When everything seems blur.. hands above the head to search for guidance

Hey ho, i dunno how to start. I had a job (6 days ago), try, see, experiencing and i quit.

My excuse (or what they called for a quiter ) is want to back to my idealsm , to work on the field that i love. But the thing is i should have work on my portfolio like 2 years ago, but i was totally enjoyed another world so i neglected it.

I saw my collage mate portfolio, it really amazing, he was really work from the bottoms until way up to his positions now. It was like slap on the face. God, where have i been this long? i meant we have the same GPA, graduate from the same year in the same university. Like my leader said this morning the peoples who will succeed is peoples whose always consistent, hard work and have a goal, and one thing but the most important " the one who can always get up again when they fall".

Idealism Vs reality

Have u been to this 'Chaos' situations when all you have done is wrong? Well then i have idealism, i wanna be a great designer. I think i capable of doing such. But then after a while and life experience after i graduated, it seems that it changed. I mean i have doubt, what is my potential? that question have been haunted me since i was in university, when i didn't feel i m good enough, i backed out.

I might should have choose to be a real artist instead of designer, at least i will have my own idealism and stick with it, but its designer i m talking about, i still need a client to satisfy, i still need peoples who need my service and i hafta know how to pleased them.

The reality is when i need opportunity to show the world that i could to work on my field, it s not coming and the other hand i need cash,and satisfaction to work in every field.

I don't know who am i going to convince, others who have faith in me or myself.

Sometime when i complained i just need to know verbally that i can make mistake and someone i need the most will always be there to backed me out and giving me support.

its all i need.

The Interview Session,

Today, @10pm i went to this huge modern building in HI, J-Town. I got inside the building,in the Lobby they asked me for gave them the ID card before i get this visitor card for for formality in getting inside the building. Its quite common since there lots of Bombing in Jakarta and part of Indonesian so they think it would at least gave them the feeling of secure.

Anyway i do whatever it takes to be a good citizens, so then i go way up to the 8th floor of that building.

When i get in i saw quite lots of peoples already waiting, hm i ve been never in the 'real' interview. Mostly it was always face-to-face personal interview. not like this one.

So, i write down the applications,gave them back and wait to be called. We (as the applicant of the job) go to this interview room,with our recruitment manager, which is very nice and charming, and friendly yet professional look alike. I thought she s a german since her name called 'faustine' very rare unique typical german name really...

She explained what all the Company about, what they looking for, their goals and so on. And she start to asked us to introduce ourself. well its quite nervous at 1st but then somebody go 1st and introduce their self. Its was in a way nice and friendly and u can see how peoples react when they talk in front of the public (at least in my point of view, i replace my point of view in hers as a recruitment manager,i hafta think what she want from her employee) anyway i didnt think, i just wet my pants down hehe :-P but still try to cool off and talk like its only me in the room. i guess i could manage this beside what the worst thing would happen right?

so i observe what they said (the applicant), about them, their weakness and strong skill,goal and so on. I saw few peoples with quite good educations from overseas, they sounds very confident and fluent in the saying things, even tho they re nervous. I should also learn to be like that. I mean i m sure,i m no longer a fresh graduate but at least in my professional work i'm nothing really. I want to learn to be confident on what i do, i want to be good at not just do cos its job. Anyway its a good way to learn, its a good way to practice go from interview to another so i got nothing to lose. Anyway some of them seems less confident and mostly they answer with similar statement that being told in lots of lots of magazine or interview tips books. I do know its sounds like its all 'just a word to make them wow' but still it didn't sounds original i guess. Somewhat.. lame...

Anyway i might also said something lame to make them impress well want it or not i need the job and money for sure hehe...

well after that she said she will be get back to us to give some announcement whose pass to the 2nd interview...

after hours latter, i got the chance..

we will see what comes tomorrow :-D

Live in the display store

Cruising along the J-town is just a new habit of mine. Its pretty comforting indeed just watch stuff that being placed in a display store of a gigantic supermall that u can always find in any corner of the city. With pretty lighting and placement that make that stuff look ‘fabulous’, away from hot, sweaty, polluted J-town. It seems so perfect, if u watch the movie or read a book about " Confessions of a Shopaholic?" i remember one sentence 'the point of this scarf,its that it would be become of part of definitions of u '...so those stuff that u wear would show other peoples on who u are, hypocritically ..but somehow its true, society demand us to become more consumptive, sometime more than our capabilities since there s a magic card called 'credit card'. Its a way of living in a big city, it happens not in only in J-town, its all over the world. Looks can measure on ur status, its cultural and generalize on humans habits i guess.

Im not saying that i dont like to shop, trust me i still a girl who like fancy, bright stuff, even tho my bf always said it gave me no effect at all but somehow it boost up my confident if i wear branded new stuff. I guess without a job i cant effort such a life style.

Still can u imagine live in a display store?with perfect lighting, with adore from peoples who sees it, as matter as fact it like an public figure life.. isn't it? it look perfect from the outside but it might not perfect in the inside.

The Art of Looking for A job

Ok, its been a while since i m here again in Indo. I was always aboard (doesn't want to brag about it since it was only 3 years in random year between 2005-2009) and it wasn't about doing a noble job become a volunteer in some chaos country or anything, it was just simply to satisfied my ego to know that there are other world than mine.

Yup i get what comes to me,as an Aupair girl. At that time (in year 2005) i didn't even know what it means, i was just bored in box doing a job that wasn't really career-promising (even tho i got pretty cool title as 'graphic designer'). Anyway i wast think much, i just want to travel.

Well after a while here i am, in J-town try my luck to get some job to expand my abilities,get experienced in professional career stuff, and to feel good about myself.

so i cruised down the J-town, exploring, like people said seeing is believing.

Apparently looking a job in Indo is not as easy as i thought, maybe too many peoples in this island. I wasn't idealistic then so i took whatever come to me, this time is different i make myself clear. I will get what i want.. and at this time i wanna a JOB! (in idealistic way of saying i wanna job where i m good at it )

ahhh yea yea its all about the opportunity, a perfect person in the perfect timing, sometime (like i said in my 1st post) everything in this world is luck (at least@ 1st then, hard work and goal achieving) and beside the networking of course :-D :-P

ahh yea, i didnt know that J-town peoples are THAT rich, i saw some exhibitions (which contains pics that showed how peoples went crazy for Sale of branded stuff) na ja, i guess time has changed, peoples whose rich are getting rich and people whose poor will do nothing but try to keep on living. and me? i guess i m lucky enough to have abilities to look a job without getting crushed out like them. what i need is one opportunity to show how capable i am in doing professional job.